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Barefoot-in-the-kitchen

Devona 0 Comments

Way back at Christmas time Rob’s dad gave us their hand-me-down canoe which they kept at the Grandparents’ house in Virginia. We finally picked it up and drove it home to our garage over Spring Break.

On an angsty day in the late spring I complained that I never get to do anything fun, not even take out our own canoe because I’m always home doing the day to day stuff. So I named the canoe Barefoot-in-the-kitchen, and got a babysitter for the day and Rob’s sister Molly and I took Barefoot-in-the-kitchen out for a ride down the Cuyahoga River. We had a leisurely day out exploring the strip of wilderness which runs between Kent and Waterworks Park. There were deer with their fawns, herons, geese and goslings and groundhogs. There was quiet and peace, and moderate adventure. It was completely worth the trouble of loading Barefoot up and taking it  back down.

I hadn’t had the chance to take the kids out yet, so I brought it to an end of the year picnic with some Redeemer families. The river was flooded over the banks so it wasn’t safe to take the kids out, but I just couldn’t resist. We pulled it over to a section of the parking lot which flooded and canoed around the puddle instead. It wasn’t exactly an adventure, but at least I knew all my kids, even Cressida were sea ready. They followed the rules and stayed in their seats.

So when we left to go on our annual Mom/kid-only camping trip with our friends the Penns (Colleen from Clever Nesting), I brought Barefoot with us. We spent three days in Hocking Hills State Park. On the second day we took Barefoot out on Lake Logan. Two moms and 5 kids.

This guy saw us unloading Barefoot and said, “Where are your men?” I chuckled, “Our men travel for a living so we have fun without them.” The man chuckled back and said, “Ah, revenge.” It’s not exactly revenge… more like not giving up and being boring just because it’s hard. When you’re a kid, challenging adventures are worth doing because a lot of the things you have to do are already challenging, you might as well put up with more challenges so you can have some fun. Once you become a grown-up you know how to avoid the challenges and walk the easier route. There’s so much to do, you don’t always have time for the challenge. But I’m finding that the stuff my kids enjoy doing as a family the most are the things that take the most effort and patience on my part. Also, I’d rather be out on Barefoot-in-the-kitchen than be at home, barefoot, in the kitchen.

The challenge is worth it.

And then when we come home and spend the whole next day on the couch playing Minecraft, I don’t feel so guilty.

5 Tips on How to Approach a Volunteer

Devona 0 Comments

Some activities actually require this much planning and paper work… Can I out source this, please?

I am a “professional” volunteer. Since my kids were born I have done Sunday School, Nursery, Vacation Bible School, La Leche League, Protest Organization, Parent/Teacher League, Couch to 5k Coaching, Girl Scouts and various other one time benefits and charitable events. I am blessed to have the time to do it. I love it. And I choose to be self employed so that I can make time for my volunteer commitments. What I don’t earn in money I compensate for in friendships, freedom, and time with my kids.

I have read a few blog articles in my time complaining about being the volunteer and being criticized by the parents who benefit from others setting aside time to make it happen. I get that. I have been ignored, un-thanked, and dismissed. And worse, I’ve been complained about, gossiped about and yelled at. I come home and tell Rob about it, and he asks me if I’m sure this is what I want to do.

Here’s the thing. Just like I’m trying my best, I think the parents of the kids I’m volunteering for are also trying their best. They have less time to commit than I do, but they just as much want their kids to have fun. They have good ideas about how it should be done. They hope that their kids will learn and grow and be better people because they are involved in extra-curriculars. The same reason I signed up my kid is the reason they signed up their kid. The only difference is that I had the time and the inclination to be the adult volunteer.

So instead of complain about how often people talk to (and about) the job volunteers do, I’m going to assume everyone wants to get along and be friends. I’m going to assume that the other parents are thankful for what I am doing, because I know that they are. But just like I sometimes make mistakes and lack tactfulness, so do these other people. So I’d like to make a few suggestions about how to approach a volunteer when you hope they’d made some changes.  

#1- Take into consideration that I am not being paid to do this, so there is no incentive to keep doing it outside of my own enjoyment of it.  

If you bring a lot of complaints, or a whole lot of expectations to me I may quit because I can’t live up to those standards. If I quit and no one else steps up, the whole activity is gone. For your kid and my kid. So, please acknowledge that I am giving it all I have to give and try to accept my limitations. And please, forgive me when I mess up.

#2-  Remember to be polite. 

Some activities come with a lot of stress built in. Like controlling a group of kids in public, or making sure you don’t forget to bring 10 different safety items and the permission slips. I might be trying to keep my cool when I feel seriously stressed out. I might have been arguing with my daughter about dessert in the car on the way here and she has been pushing my buttons for 30 minutes. It might take me 20 minutes longer to get here than you, and my husband is probably out of town so I have all three of my kids with me… And if you bring a grouchy complaint, I might not take it very well. Please and Thank You are for adults, too.

#3- Make your complaint privately.

All troop leaders and coaches have to give you their phone number. And many of them also give an email address. I’d much rather get a call or an email from someone than have them bring up a complaint during an activity. There are others around. I have to think on my feet. It’s embarrassing. And my concentration is divided because I’m trying to keep track of kids and and stuff.

#4- Make sure you really think this situation is important before you bring it up.  

If you have been generally happy but I keep doing one particular thing that annoys you, please consider if you could just let it go. I may not always remember to bring the newsletter. I may get kids’ attention by raising my voice for a moment instead of clapping my hands. These things may not be your preference, but really, they are just the way I get things done.

But if I have missed a few important things, or hurt someone’s feelings (all possibilities, I have a lot on my plate!) please, let me know! Or if you know of some way to get things done more efficiently, please tell me! I would love to save time and I may not know of the amazing efficiency method that you do and I would love to adopt it.

#5- Make sure your complaint is reasonable.

If I haven’t done every amazing thing you hoped I would do in this activity, it’s probably because I couldn’t. I average 4 to 9 hours of unpaid work every week on top of running my own small business and taking care of three kids under 8. I’m not bragging. I’m telling you how it is for all of us volunteers. There are some volunteers I know who do 5 times more than I do and work full time.

If you had some goals for this activity and they weren’t achieved, offer to help make them happen. Sometimes I may seem like I want to do all of the work, but it’s actually just me not wanting to bother others. I really do want some help. But I don’t know what you’re good at, and so you need to tell me. I’d love to pass the torch for a week or two and be a “regular” mom for once while we all enjoy something you are really good a sharing. Call the local business and set up a field trip. Teach us how to make baskets. Or just help me collect end of the year paperwork so it gets done on time.

We’re all trying our best. We all want to have fun. And honestly, I really want to be your friend! I hope these suggestions will help everyone, the volunteers and the drop-off parents, have a better season. We are all here for the same reason. We love this activity, it’s important to us, and we want it to be the best it can be. And mostly, know I am not complaining. 99% of the time we are all having fun. I really do love the people I volunteer for. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love it!

How It Should Be- and How It Is

Devona 0 Comments

Maybe one of these days I will finally stop doing the opposite of what my “better mother” planned to do (i.e. the one who hasn’t been here before and still somehow knew exactly what I would do in this situation). I confess that when I saw people with their kids, sitting at the YMCA for a sibling’s gymnastics practice, the kid listening to their iPod lost in their own world I judged them. They should be talking to their kid. That kid should be paying attention to their sibling, being encouraging. Being in the real world.

I was wrong. I sat on my high horse and felt sure our family would be different until that high horse marched me right into reality and dropped me in a puddle. I have spent every day in the car home from school with Elise, a very crabby 6 year old who takes it all out on everyone within earshot. I have tried letting her pick the music. I have tried being sure to bring a snack. I have tried bringing books for her. I have tried engaging her in one-on-one talks. None of this has had the power to stop her from melting down after school. She is just can’t keep it together.

Finally, I asked her why she was finding it so hard to be calm in the car. Finally meaning in April, the second to last month of the school year (I’m a slow learner). She was so clear in her response, “I’m so tired after being good all day at school I forget that my words hurt people.”

So I got her an iPod shuffle and she listens to it whenever we’re driving. She’s around people all day. She’s going here and there with me all day. She has to be engaged with others all day, whether she’s in the mood or not. So, reality has once again shown me how parenting really is, instead of how I thought it should be. I was wrong again, but at least this time I’m not surprised. And now our car is full of peace. No one screaming at anyone, everyone enjoying their own down time after school. And Elise is recharged enough after a car ride to hop out and enjoy a day at the park with her family, engaged and participating with the real world.

 

I stand corrected.