Articles by Devona

I am a young mother of two girls. I’m obsessed with being their mom since it is one of the few things I’ve really felt like I do well. I’m also Rob’s wife, which I hope I’m doing well, though sometimes I’m not so sure. Thank God he loves me so much.

I’m Lutheran because I can’t imagine not feasting on my Lord’s Body and Blood. I’m a Christian because I know all of the bad things I’ve done and that if it were left up to me to fix it I would be burning.

I love music, babywearing, gardening, cooking, sewing, reading, writing and anything creative that I’ve never done before.

I just need to get up and go to bed, but I can’t. I’ve been looking back at all the posts from forever ago. Rob is traveling, and I am solo-parenting for the middle of the week. I really need to hit the hay.

But I just needed to say that I think I have been taking too little joy in my kids’ personalities. I need to give Elise more snuggle time, and I need to spend more time reading to Olivia. And even though Cressida is as easy as pie and loves to jump in her bouncy-seat, I should hold her more.  Every day, a new confession.

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How could yo not love these guys?

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The Magician’s Nephew

We’re reading through my old Narnia books with the girls. Liv’s been through many of them once before. Elise hasn’t heard them yet, and it seems that she isn’t really ready yet. She got to the end of the book and still thought that Uncle Andrew was a good guy.

Olivia, on the other hand, was hanging on every detail. She bounded out of her bed with excitement when Strawberry became Fledge and grew wings. She hid under her covers when the Witch snuck by them in the mountain range. And she was finally able to sleep soundly when the book came to an end and all the loose ends were properly tied.

As always it was a joy to read these books as an adult. It seems that each time I go through them they strike a new chord with me. This time I felt for the little Digory as he worried for his mother. I was reminded of how real troubles are for our kids. They suffer their worries, and know that there is nothing they can do as they are just powerless little children.

I think Liv is bursting at the seams to start The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. She’ll remember a lot from the last time. But I can’t wait to see what details grab her this trip through.dsc_0212

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I just read the posts from last year out of curiosity. Those posts were so cute.

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So I am busting out the old school blog. I hope to write here about the family. The crafting and little jot and tiddles will be on Clever Nesting and Facebook (why am I so networked!?) but the posts about the kids will go here. This is a good place for them. I’ve missed you, Love and Blunder.

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5 years of life

I’ve spent the last five years (plus the two previous) getting to know Rob. We’ve spent most of that time increasing both our own patience levels and the population of Akron, Ohio.  We’ve learned to expect certain personality short-comings to repeat. We’ve learned to try not to mention those short-comings unless we’re looking to start a fight or hurt feelings.

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I’ve learned that Rob is exactly half of my Dad, and exactly half of his Dad. I’d say he’s the best half of both. He’s admirably principled, a very hard worker, not afraid of being transparent and a wonderful father. I have learned to trust him with my hardest conflicts because he is the best person at helping me figure it out and helping me when I need it. He believes in me when I don’t believe in myself and he’s always on my side.

I am so lucky to have found someone to be my best friend, advocate, (paycheck), coach and coworker.

I love you Rob. I hope I get a chance to go get you a handsome gift today. I hope I can think of something that reflects how much I feel about you.

Now back to our regularly scheduled anti-sentimentalism.

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” Dear God,
I’ll start at the beginning. This is the beginning. You made everything. I’m sorry for all of the sins which I’ve done wrong. Please, let the dinosaurs come back to life.”

Randomness-

First of all, I’m pregnant again. 12 weeks, now. The girls are excited. Olivia keeps saying, “Mom, you are looking a little bit fat now. Elise thinks that my belly button is the new baby and says that she can see his feet. She is very affectionate towards her imaginary belly-button-sibling. I think she’ll be shocked at what happens after Baby B #3 come out. He/She is due on Elise’s 3rd birthday in September.  Talk about being de-throned!

I’m still planning on running this summer. Either a 10K or a Half-Marathon, depending on how my exhaustion and Rob’s traveling effect my training. Right now mostly I want to sleep all day, but I feel better on the days that I run, so I should keep it up.

More, randomness: Apparently Devona is the name of a city in Tajikistan. I don’t even know where that it. But here I am on a map:
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I am quite mountainous. That works for a pregnant lady.

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Tomorrow is…

Jeff Tweedy Day! Yippie! We’re going to the Folk Festival in Ann Arbor Michigan and staying over night. This was my Christmas gift to Rob and I’m so glad it’s finally here!

Nuwanda!

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I can just see her blating on a Saxophone in a cold cave. YAWP!

Milestones!

I just left two awake kids in the same room. And they both went right to sleep. This is the second time this has happened. I think I’m entering a new phase of freedom!

Save Handmade!

Way to go Government! This is Olivia’s explanation of the situation:

“The government wants to tell Mom that she’s not allowed to sew. They made a mistake in their law and Mom needs to write them a letter so that they will let her sew again.”

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The new law, H.R.4040, to go into effect on February 10th will make it so that I will not be able to sell my hand made clothes, dolls and slings without submitting each batch (every item being individual means each item will be a batch) for 3rd party lead and phylate testing. I agree that these items should not be in toys and clothing. That’s one of the reasons that I prefer to buy handmade and wooden toys. The other reason being my support for small and cottage businesses like my own. But H.R.4040 will place such stringent requirements on these businesses making it almost impossible to operate. You can find out more about this law and its possible repercussions here.

I’ve already contacted my Congress Person and Senator requesting a provision in the law to protect small businesses. Sherrod Brown (D- OH) has replied, though not very satisfactorily. If anyone is interested in his response leave a comment and I can email it to you. My biggest frustration is that no one is offering a step by step solution for how to bring my goods into compliance with the law. As it is right now I have to decide whether I’m going to quit selling slings and children’s materials or if I’m going to be a quality-goods bootlegger. Please contact your respective elected officials and emphasize the need for a simple way for small and cottage businesses to comply with the law.

Like I said, way to go Government! Way to make criminals out of people just trying to make their own way.

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Olivia was trying to play an imaginary game with Elise. It involved a bunch of random figurines of which Elise was assigned a painted dinosaur. Obviously she wanted one of the cooler ones, like the T-rex or maybe the horse and fairy. Some argument ensued and then Olivia came and said to Rob:

“Dad, I gave Elise two choices– play with the painted dinosaur or wear a hat. Can you make her do one of them?”

Being organized is OK

I think we’d been married 2 years when Rob read Getting Things Done by David Allen. He was moved and inspired and insisted that I read it as well. I couldn’t even understand what the guy was talking about. Write stuff down to get it out of your head? If it takes less than 2 minutes do it right away? I’d be running around the house writing fractured thoughts and folding socks and sweeping the porch and folding more socks in succession. It wouldn’t be any different than the way I already am only with added guilt that I was supposed to be organized now.

So I spent the next 3 years ignoring Rob’s suggestion for programs and habits that will get my frenetic brain under control. NO way! You organized people cannot help Head-in-the-clouds people like me. You’ll just squash my creativity!

Well, he showed me how to use Google Reader and I was OK with that. Now I could remember who’s blogs were fun to read without having to follow my old rabbit trails. That got my defenses down.

Now he’s got me using delicious. That’s not too bad, it keeps pages organized for me, I just have to tell them the Tag that goes with it and I don’t have to think about it again until I need it. Passive organization.

Then something I never thought would happen has just occurred. I found myself laying out my planned blog posts for my craft blog in Google Calendar. Woah. That can only be real planning. Real organization. Rob has taken me to the dark side. I’m sure it’s a passing phase…

A year in pictures

I’ve been looking at a bunch of wonderful photo collections from the previous year. I thought I should do my own. So without furthur ado:

January- I began with resolve to clean every room of my house to tip-top shape. I failed in this resolution, but my kitchen did look wonderful for this photo!

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February- I repented.

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March- Elise started potty training. Elise is STILL potty training.

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April- I let the girls help me start seedlings. They were fun seedlings, but were so dense only one flower actually made it into the garden.

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May-I began gardening in earnest and Rob came home from a business trip to find a sink in his front yard. Much like the time he came home to find his kitchen orange (see January).

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June- I had to cut a whole branch off this tree to let my garden get full sun. I did this alone in the heat of the day while teetering on the neighbor’s fence. I’m crazy.

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July- We came into possession of my Step-Mom’s old chair which has been recovered and now nestles into the office.

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August- I created my first dolls that didn’t look like blobs. I love these guys!

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September- Pigtails started Preschool. *sniff*

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October-I probably should have posted a Halloween photo. But how could I pass up showing off the logical inconsistency of letting my toddler drink hot cocoa on a cold fall day with no shirt on?

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November- I plucked feathers from our local pastured turkey.

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December- We got all festive. There are a bunch of new photos from Decmeber, but they are all still on my camera. Must do something about that!

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Hope you all had as colorful a year as we did. And pray you’ll all have a blessed 2009.

New Beginnings

Last year was a big year for me. I realized some of my lifelong dreams. Some of them in a big way, some of them in a small way. I spent the year learning about my style and where I want to take my crafts. That was exciting. I learned that the biggest barrier to making this what I want it to be is my own lack of discipline. And since I know I can run a Marathon, which takes enormous discipline, I know that I can make the time to blog at least every other day.

This being the first day of 2009, the occasion of declaring this year’s plans is upon us. I never used to be a resolution person because I never cared about the same things in April as I had in January. Or if I did care it was because I had resolved to leave behind some vice, and not to put more effort into something I love. Vices die on their own as you get busier or more mature, but making your loves a priority is something you have to fight for. The people who love you have to make them a priority as well. That is the most important thing because when life gets urgent, peoplearesickandbillsaredueandschoolbeginsin10minutesandnoonehascombedtheirhair, it’s very easy to let the things that take effort fall to the side just to get by. It’s easy to spend naptime reading instead of sewing or writing.

This year I don’t want to let that happen. Rob bought me a mino video recorder that I want to use to make video tutorials. I bought a dreamhost subscription for 2009 and I want to move my craft blog to its own domain so I can have more control over it and hopefully neglect it less. I want to remember to post on Love and Blunder because I love that blog. It’s like a part of my family or an old friend and I need to stop by and visit more often. I also want to spend more time learning what other people are doing, and letting myself be inspired. I’m getting a ton more sleep now that the Elise-Beast is getting older, I think I can spend some of my newly found brain activity on learning something new.

Have a blessed New Year! I can’t wait to see how it changes us.

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The photo finish

Follow this link to see Molly and I cross the finish line.

OK, I’ll stop talking about the Marathon now. ;)

Thanks everyone!

Rob told you all that I could have done it in 4:20, but that was because the first half of the course is 100 times easier than the second half. You literally run down hill for 13 miles and then run back up hill for 13 miles.

I couldn’t have done it at all if it weren’t for my sister-in-law, Molly, and our neighbor Glen who ran the half marathon. We trained together all summer. Long 9 milers in the hot sun with no water, and easy 14 milers where it felt silly to stop because we felt we could go on forever. Molly and I share a natural pace so we could chat and chat while we ran. Unfortunately, she is a much more experienced (and younger!) runner than me and I’m afraid I held her back at the end. She still had more in her and wanted to pick it up, which we did a little, but I know she had more in her.

The good news is that she still got 3rd(!!!!) in her division and won $500. I am so proud of her! I was 70th in mine. 70th out of 119. Not nearly as impressive.

It was so awesome. Every time that I thought I was getting so tired I was crazy we’d pass another mile marker and I’d feel the relief of knowing I only had 9 miles, or 7 miles, and then 4, 3, and 2 miles till the end.

By one mile left I was unable to talk, not because I was too breathless, but because I needed all my mental energies to keep going. Rob and a good friend, Megan both had the great idea of meeting us a mile out from the finish and ran with us into Downtown. We couldn’t have done so well without them, it’s almost like they brought us fresh legs, almost…

Then we ran into the stadium and the finish and finally stopped. It was a lot like labor and birth, the labor is riveting and exhausting, and the celebration of achievement is much quieter.

Today I feel like a cement truck poured concrete into my bones. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to apologize to my family for the Beast I’m being to them.

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Finished!

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Things to eat

Well, there are only 2 days left. TWO DAYS LEFT!!!! On Saturday morning, before the sun rises I will be up and ready to run twenty-six point two miles. It will take me at least 4 hours and 30 minutes. I have done all I can do to prepare. I had to start resting up this week, no more running after Tuesday. And then the waiting begun. This is probably one of the longest weeks of my life.

I take it back, though, that there is nothing I can do left to prepare. I can eat things. Lots of things. Carbohydrates. Today was supposed to be the big stuff-your-face day. I ate french toast, 4 bagels, pretzels, pasta salad and ice cream. I don’t think I could eat anything else if you paid me. Now I just have to drink an ocean of water to be super hydrated and then I’ll have done everything I can to prepare.

Just for fun, here is a link to the photo from my last road race. That was just a 7.6 mile leg of the 5 person Marathon Relay last September. It was the official beginning of my obsession with completing my own marathon. An hour before that picture was shot I had decided to run the full Marathon this year. And here I am. It feels almost as significant as giving birth.

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My Father-in-Law says the previous picture made Elise look like an Alien. OK fine, it is a little extreme, but it’s supposed to be more Andy Warhol than Norman Rockwell. But to ease any fears that anyone might have that Elise is in fact evil, or something near it; here is a much more flattering picture.

Rob calls this a “child abuse picture” because of the bruise on her head. The poor thing fell down the church stairs on Tuesday night. She told me, “I cried. I fell down stairs. I hurt head.” Very concise. Strunk and White would be proud.

Elise is turning 2 this Sunday. Yikes!

We were all out enjoying the raspberry bush a couple of days ago and I was snapping pictures. Before I realised that the white balance was off I had 5 or 6 shots. This was one of them. Actually, this is what I did to one of them in Photoshop. I could almost be an artist!

hh <—Olivia is helpppppppppppppppppppping my type this blog post.

Every morning I check my email after breakfast. Usually the girls are done too, but not always. On mornings when I get particularly high amounts of email things like this happen:

Olivia is getting bigger

My little teeny tiny one is going to preschool tomorrow. I can’t believe it. Some of you readers were here waiting for her to be born, and now she’s making up stories and learning her letters and wrapped up in the Little House series. Ack! I can’t believe it’s true.

Five weeks left.

I’ve been quietly training all summer because I didn’t want to let myself down. But things have gone well, and there are only five weeks left until I run my first Marathon!

Akron Marathon Course Video

I am SO excited. I’ll be running with Rob’s sister Molly, and my neighbor who trained with me last summer is going to be running the Half Marathon. We’ve overcome injuries, lack of sleep, Molly’s gone off to college, and we’re so ready to finally beat the 26.2 miles that have spent the year haunting us.

Wish us luck!

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Bad idea, gone worse

Rob has elevated the content of our blog again, so I’m going to deflate it with this nice story of what you should never do.

I was supposed to run 8 miles this morning, but Elise is on a sleeping strike so I woke up moments before Rob had to leave for work. This obviously left no time for me to squeeze in even a shortened run. So instead, I decided to load up the bike trailer and my bike and take the girls on a long nap-time bike ride.

When ever I do my city errands on the bike I’m shouting back to Elise not to drift off between stops so I was certain it would take no time for her to zonk and I would get a good 90 minutes of biking on the trails before Olivia got bored. Well, I was so wrong. SOOOOOO wrong.

Elise didn’t fall asleep until after we had gone about 10 miles and she had cried for the last 3 of them. I kept thinking, “just a little farther and she’ll be out.” But no. I had promised Olivia that we’d see this long tunnel before we turned around, but there was no way I would have made it the next 3 miles before Elise totally freaked out so we headed home, defeated.

I kid you not, a mile and a half after I turned back for home Elise fell asleep, so I asked Liv if she still wanted to see the tunnel. “Yes!” she said, and so I turned around yet again.

We didn’t even make it back to the point where we turned around the first time and now Olivia was telling me that she wanted to go home because she was tired. AAHHHHH! Olivia’s beseaching me to turn around woke Elise back up leaving us with 10 miles of screaming until we could get back to the car.

To make matters worse, I had to stop the bike about every 5 minutes or so because Elise would pull Olivia’s hair in her anger, or Olivia would steal Elise’s water bottle. Or who knows what else they managed to think of to make me have to stop. At one point I was walking down the trail holding a sobbing Elise, walking my bike, which was dragging the empty trailer and being followed by a sobbing Olivia.

What had been carefully planned to take only 90 minutes turned into 3 hours of riding around like a spectacle. I was pitied, glared at, gawked at, and only once did anyone offer to help me. Not like there was anything anyone could have done.

The only thing that I could say I liked about that whole ordeal was when we passed 3 pregnant moms and their spouses riding on bikes in the opposite direction and I could see the look of horror on all of their faces as they thought, “OH! What are we getting ourselves into?!” Other than that I almost swore off biking for life. If the trailer hadn’t cost $250 I might have.

My Sister-in-Law has been inviting Olivia over on Tuesdays so that they can go to the pool. Today I left Elise with them as well and I got some errands taken care of. I never thought I’d enjoy having a day to myself as much as I do, and I never thought I’d feel as guilt-free for enjoying it. Maybe I won’t be a very good homeschooler after all!

I ran to the post office to get my passport updated. It is very frustrating to go through all this work and driving to discover that I could have just done the whole process through the mail since it is just a renewal and not a new application. Even more frustrating is discovering that I could have done it for free if I had done it within the first year after our wedding and name change. Today I wrote a check for $75 to the Department of Security, or something like that. It’s very nerve wracking to send all of that personal information through the mail. I got a delivery confirmation.

Then I stopped by a friend’s house for lunch and to drop off a gift for her new baby. We actually had some time to talk, since her little one was asleep and mine were splashing at the pool with Aunt Sarah.

Then I stopped back home to let the dog out before I went to pick up the girls and our tile for our new bathroom project was on the front porch. I had no idea what it was until I picked it up and brought it in. I just knew that the package was 100 pounds. It said so right on the shipping form. When Olivia found it later in the evening she asked if we could glue them to the wall in the bathroom today. Then she scattered the packing peanuts all over the floor. Nice.

Summer-a-thon

We have been crazy-busy this year. When there is no baby in the house life can really speed up! Sometimes I miss the slow motion lifestyle of a baby, and then I remember how nice it is to get some sleep (some nights anyway).

The girls have been going to the pool a lot, thanks to aunt Sarah. And Rob has started running, too. I injured my IT band, so I’ve been doing about every exercise excluding running. Plus to save money on gas we bought a bike trailer which I have been using to do my short errands with the girls. They love it and so do I.

The garden is really in high gear now and this is Elise’s first experience with pulling something out of the dirt and eating it 5 minutes later. You’d think that fiber would help in potty-training, but alas it does not. Yesterday we ate the last three carrots from the first planting, the second group shouldn’t be mature for about 3 more weeks. We also began munching on the greenbeans, but unfortunately so have the Japanese Beatles.

I also made my first attempt at canning something from my garden. I have a TON, I repeat, TON of Hungarian Hot Peppers so I decided to pickle them to use as pizza toppings and give some away. Well, it didn’t work, The seal was no good. Maybe next time.

Higher Things

We had the best group of kids for Higher Things. Going into any event as the chaperone has its helping of worry. Will the kids be involved, will they listen, will they have fun? Will there be an emergency? I was feeling all those things on the ride out there, but our group proved very responsible and very fun. Here they are singing Dave Matthews Band songs in the van.

Rob and I were continually asked if we were students, and often no one believed that we were leaders until we told them that we had two kids at home. I guess that is flattering.

Well, like I said, the kids were awesome. They made friends, took notes, asked questions, sang at the top of their lungs and I was proud to be their leader. They were even better at keeping curfew than Rob and I. All I have to say is that I’m sure that Lutherans plan their conference location around dive bars…

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Sand

Our most recent bargain is the castle shaped sandbox I got for $7 at a garage sale. I brought it home, we filled it with sand and it’s been fun ever since. Our neighbor came over and said exactly what I was thinking, “That’s one less sandbox in the landfill.” I love my neighbors.

Unfortunately, Elise was napping the Sunny Sunday afternoon that these pictures were taken. I will have to get some of her in the sandbox as well. Elise’s style of sand-play is mostly filling and dumping, repeat.

Olivia prefers tossing sand (argh) and asking me to help her build sand castles. These are the “really big” sand castles that she wanted me to take a picture of her smashing.

Following this act of violence we proceeded to make Cair Paravel including the children, a pack of wolves, a whale, some dolphins, a dragon, and Aslan himself.

There is sand all over my kitchen floor.

She really likes the video, “of the kids who know how to fly.” Her favorite parts are the “nap time” and of course “flying to Neverland.”

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Christ is Risen!

He is Risen Indeed!

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26

I turn 26 on Saturday. Fate dictates that my 26th birthday lies 30 weeks before the Akron Marathon, 2008. That gives me exactly enough time to train for the big 26.2 miles.

I start my training on Saturday morning. 26.2 miles/26 years old, it just makes sense.

These things. These theological questions that Olivia comes up with. I’ll tell you, if this isn’t the most humbling task, the instruction of Little Ones concerning God’s Truth, then I don’t know what else is.

While driving home from a LONG outing to try and find a fabric store that carries Anna Marie Horner’s “chocolate lollipops” fabric Olivia asked me, “Where is God, I want to be with Him but I can’t see Him.”

Criminey! So I said, “well God lives in Heaven, which is in the sky behind the clouds and the stars and the sun.” It feels good to talk to her about something that I love so much, but I’m worried about being confusing, worried about giving too much information, or too little. The best advice I’ve been given is to let their questions guide you. Well, Olivia is a girl of many questions, so these conversations go on for a long time.

“How can we fly up into the sky so that we can get behind the sun and see God?” she asks.

“Well, we can’t. But God comes down to us, too. So we can see Him down here. When we read our Bible, that is God’s Words talking to us. And when a little baby is Baptized God puts himself in the water and pours himself all over the baby, so we can see Him there. And when we take Communion at Church we are eating Jesus’ Body and Blood, so we can see Him there.” I said, hoping that she wasn’t confused.

“That means that there are two Jesuses.”

“No, there’s only one Jesus. It’s just like there is only one Olivia even when you get a cut and your blood comes out.” At this point I was pretty sure that I was being confusing. Now I’m talking about biology and theology. Yikes. Where are all the smart people? How in the world am I going to help Liv know God in truth?

But that seemed to be enough for a while. Until later that night we were reading a book about St. Patrick. I asked who God’s Son was and she said, “Jesus.” So I reminded her that Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God. Then I said that the Holy Spirit is inside her. “I don’t want Him in there. Can you take Him out?” she complains, pulling at her shirt.
Great. This is the spiritual instruction that I have to give her now when Rob and I are her only influence. What kind of questions is she going to come up with when other people are telling her things? Will I ever be ready for this?

Book Meme:

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

“And He looks me right in the face, as though he wants me to know he knows it is a performance and he’s amused by it. I suppose an attempt is a performance, in some sense. But what else can I do?”

It’s from <i>Gilead</i>, which Rob checked out form the Library. I’ve had no intentions of reading it, but not that I’ve gotten these three sentences out of the way, why not continue?

If you read this, and you want to do it, you’re tagged. If you don’t have a blog and you want to do it, leave it in the comments.

Another Laughable Liv-ism

I’m sorry that my contribution to this blog has reduced to passing on the funny things my kids do and say. I’m not intentionally trying to be boring, it’s just winter and I have nothing really profound to say.

Now that I’ve apologized, here’s a peak into our family prayer life:

Dad: Ok Liv, what would you like to pray about tonight?

Liv: Elephants.

Dad: Good idea, we can thank God for creating them. Can you pray for Pastor Kozak, too?

Liv: Lord God, Thank you for Elephants. Will you help them to be healthy and strong? Amen.  Lord God, Please be with Pastor Kozak so that he can grow up until his head touches the ceiling at church. Amen.

To dust

Gymnastics

Today was THE day. We took Olivia to her first gymnastics class. It was actually her first class of any kind. She was told that she couldn’t go to gymnastics until after nap. She asked to lay down at 11:30, she was that excited.

I watched as my little girl hopped and flipped around a bar, walked on a balance beam and grew to be very proud of herself. I also watched as she tried to disobey and do her own thing and was brought back to the group with some gentle guiding from her coach, and the fear that she might not get to play along if she didn’t keep the rules. I was proud of her. She was so big, she just hopped along and followed directions once she got the hang of what she was supposed to do.

For a reward for a good class they all got to jump into the foam pit that the older kids use to catch them as the practice dismounts from the bars and stuff. That was the highlight of Olivia’s life. They jumped in over and over. She was hoping to try that from the moment we walked into the gym and she said, “Mom, those kids are falling all over those squares!” with eyes as big as saucers.

She bounced and danced all night long. I could tell she felt a sense of accomplishment. She also had a ton of fun. “I am so happy! I am so happy!” was the chant the whole way out to our car. She loved it so much we signed up for the weekly class.

When I drink coffee after 2 or 3 pm Elise wakes up at 1 am and 4 am and kicks us frequently in her attempts to go back to sleep. I am too tired at 4 am to try to put her back to sleep in her bed, especially since she is violently angry at the thought of it and I have to be alert enough to be sneaky.

If I don’t drink coffee in the afternoons and opt for tea, Elise wakes up at 3am or 4am and I can quietly nurse her back to sleep in less than 15 minutes. She stays in her own bed until about 6am or 7am and we can sleep without vicious toes in our skin.

This is the same child with whom I had pre-labor contractions that drove me up a wall until I cut out caffeine around 38 weeks pregnant. Starbucks does not like Elise, or maybe it’s the other way around.

So, here you go Dad. Also go to our Flickr account where you can see some of the other pictures. The Parrot picture is in there, too.

As for everyone else. You will notice a striking improvement in the quality of L&B photography. That would be thanks to Rob and the Nikon D40 that he bought me for Christmas. It’s my new favorite thing.

These things that Olivia comes up with! I really had no idea what to say to this one, so I just answered it as best as I could and hoped that I wasn’t confusing. I ended up being funny, apparently. Olivia was cracking up.

So what was my answer?

“We are. All the People of God are His wife. Me, you, Elise, Daddy…”

Liv laughed, “Daddy is a girl?!”

I then said, giggling and afraid that I’ve reached the point of confusing, “Well, with God and people He is the boy and we are all girls.”

It was hilarious, I tell you, for Olivia to imagine that Daddy is a girl. I have absolutely no idea if that was a good answer or not. Remind me again why I am in the business of Catechizing this little spit-fire?

Kyle

Poor Kyle. He let me take this picture and now it’s on the internet.

In case any of his future employers google his name and somehow get this site (Good for him we don’t share a last name anymore) he’s a bright and creative young man. Don’t let the kitsch fool you.

card

Here’s the whole image.

winter

While Rob was practicing guitar yesterday Olivia walked in with her head and one arm through a 12 inch diameter embroidery hoop. She was clearly stuck and we have no idea how she even managed to get in it in the first place.

Rob put down his guitar and she said, “I don’t need your help!” with a hint of embarrassment in her tone. She was looking for a private place to struggle free so she went to the corner, moved all the furniture around herself so she was hidden, clanged and banged and suffered, but did not come out until she had somehow removed the hoop.

She then said to Rob, “I made it! I almost died,” and walked away unscathed.

We spent the holiday in Virginia, celebrating the life of Rob’s Grandmother. She passed earlier this year and was laid to rest beside Rob’s Grand-Dad at Arlington Cemetery. I unfortunately forgot my camera, otherwise I’d share some pictures of that beautiful and solemn place.

The following day I played Kitchen Guru with Rob’s Aunt Jen and his Uncle George. We split our Thanksgiving Prep with Boston Market and home cooked food. Someone needs to email me some pictures of the family around the table and the “Lutheran Tea” picture.

liv

lise

Following dinner Olivia fell asleep with her hand in a bag of chips and Elise snuggled with the men and watched football.

Later in the evening we were thankful for Dan’s pyrotechnic endeavors. I must say the Braziers are a supportive family. Dan made this bazooka all by himself. I’m impressed.

old rag

Friday was spent toiling up a HUGE mountain. Old Rag was our calorie burn for the weekend. The glory of God’s creation was certainly worth being thankful for.

Here’s some video from the top.

It was quite a trip. We got a LOT of requests for more pictures of the family while we were there, so click the link to our Flickr if you’d like to see some adorableness.

Christmas Card Season

I really love to design our own cards every year. But if I have too much demand at my etsy store this year I’m going to have Kristen at Winged Feet Design do our cards. Her designs are awesome and I would love to know that my money is going to help her support her two adorable daughters.

Card

Remember to support the little guy this year. The economy will thank you for it!

Here are 8 random things, as I have been tagged by The Queen. I have no idea who to tag, since I’m very unpopular and have received my tag long past the induction of this meme and everyone has done it already.

1. I have no idea how to work this blog. I have to have Rob resign me in all the time because I can never remember my username or password. I’m sure it drives him nuts. Right now it is stuck in HTML mode and I don’t know how to change it back.

2. Once I tried to teach myself CSS. That’s the only thing that helps me out when things like my blog going wonky happen. I can do just enough simple code to make things post.

3. Elise’s picture is going to be posted on the Thursday Gratuitous Cute Kid Picture at Anti-Racist Parent tomorrow. That’s pretty cool.

4. I spent the whole morning cleaning up half full baskets of clean laundry.

5. I have a very messy house, and I cope by closing myself in here with the excuse that I’m watching my etsy store.

6. Olivia refuses to nap most days and in order for us to both get a break I let her watch TV.

7. I HATE it when I let Olivia watch TV.

8. I need to go to the grocery store really bad. We have no eggs, no fruit.

Walmart is rich enough

I Took The Handmade Pledge! BuyHandmade.org

You can too!

Riveting!

Olivia enjoys Peter and the Wolf!

Nina and Papa. We LOVE the books. Especially Tuesday. Even Sherman loved it.

Hope that observing the enjoyment does not cause you to get seasick!

Blankets

breastfeedingcows.gif

Wednesday Walk

As fall approacheth I feel a pressing need to make grander efforts towards exercising with the family. I am running 7.1 miles this Saturday in the Akron Marathon with some friends and acquaintances on a five person relay. Training for that has kept me motivated through the heat of summer but I know that shorter days and colder weather will be biting my motivational bud soon enough.

Thus I instated the Wednesday Walk in which we load the stroller and family (only excluding Rob who is at work) and haul off, dog and all, to the same park where I have been training for the race. The goal of this endeavor is to watch the leaves change, teach my dog some manners with other dogs, namely “they-are-not-your-best-friend-so-stop-dragging-me-by-the-arm,” and to get in a habit of exercise which we can add to if we want, but it will get us out of the house at least once a week.

Our Wednesday Walks are 2 hilly miles with a waterfall at the turnaround point and picnic tables at the end. Today we packed a lunch and made use of the picnic tables, or ships according to Olivia. Then we traveled through Neverland in the trees while flying with Nana, I mean Sherman.

The trees are still mostly green to Olivia’s great disappointment. She is looking forward to snow.

One year ago, today

Elise came peacefully into this world. Birthing her was 95% calm and easy going, 5% scream your head off, back archingly tough. Elise’s personality is following suit.

95% of Elise is shy, sweet, and simple. The last 5% is a red-hot temper that growls, arches her back, and screams in high frequencies.

She loves her sister, and she loves getting her in trouble. She is currently trying to cute me into not typing on the computer by pulling on my arm and saying, “Mamamama!” She loves music and will ramdomly pound on the piano as she passes by. She loves to play ball, and snuggle dolls, and is definitely a Daddy’s Girl.

Our lives wouldn’t be complete without you, Elise! Thank you for being our little girl!

I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It’s their business, but I obviously have my opinions. I mostly have oppositions to the “Christian Parenting” giants who like to write books making generalizations about how to parent my child unto godliness, all the while knowing nothing about me. I don’t just disagree with their methods, I disagree with their theology and their lack of discretion. How do they know to whom they are teaching? How do they know their methods are being properly prescribed? And mostly, how can they not see that this method of “discipline” obscures the person and work of Christ when a parent cannot forgive their child until there has been punishment for their sins? Are not our Christian children under the Fount of Grace as much as we are?

Here is a wonderful take on the topic over at Lutherama. Don’t just read my post on it. I have only skimmed the subject since she has done such excellent work, I would only be repeating, so make sure you click the link.

to appease a Stay-at-Home-Mom?

Well, I just started a craft blog in order to not add yet another topic of (dis)intrest here at L&B. The grand unveiling of “Recycling at its Cutest.” Which will also help me to make items to post for sale on my etsy store.

So, stop by. Leave comments. Email me with other craft blogs that I can add to my blog roll. Use my blogroll to link to other blogs so people will trackback to me.

You know people have gotten book deals because of their craft blogs.

Olivia will be pink

Rob’s Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, and thus began Olivia’s questions about death. “Why did Daddy’s Grandmother have to die, Mama?” (she always calls me Mama when she’s feeling small). Not what I was expecting to hear from my not yet 3 year old.

“Because she was very old and sick, and Jesus said it was time for her to die and go home to be with Him.”

“I don’t want to go be with Jesus.”

“It will be a long time before you have to go be with Jesus.”

I can’t remember exactly what she asked next (this was weeks ago, really) but it was something about if we would see Grandmother with Jesus. I think she still confuses Pastor with Jesus, so perhaps she was asking if Grandmother would be at church. I’m not sure. But anyways, I answered her, “We all love Jesus, and all the people who love Jesus will be together with Him after they die.”

That seemed to satisfy her. Though the topic has come up regularly since then.

At bedtime tonight Olivia told me that her ponies went to be with Jesus because they died. Then she said, “But we will see them when we die.”

“Yes, we will all go be with Jesus.”

“Will we be people?”

“Yes,  Jesus will give us all new bodies that won’t ever get sick, or hurt, or sad.”

“Mine will be pink,” she said matter-of-factly.

Suzuki method?

The video speaks for itself…

Elise’s other first

She’s walking. That’s an obvious first. But Elise has made another milestone this week.

She slept the whole night in her own bed!!!!! I slept really well, even though I had to go to her room twice and nurse her for 5 minutes or so. That was still better than what had become her night-time ritual of trying to find Rob in the middle of the night. “Da-Doh? Da-Doh?” she’d whisper while crawling all over the bed.

For the past 11 months Elise has started her night out in her own bed, either the bassinet when she was smaller or her crib, and then around 2 or 4 she’d wake up and I’d bring her to our bed. Everyone slept really well. It was a glorious system.  But then she got really close to learning to walk and having us around was too much incentive to practice moving, even if it was pitch black.

This is the same stage that got Olivia moved into her own room. She would stand up in her crib and sing to us for hours at night, just because we were there.

There are some families who can co-sleep with their kids for years. I don’t know how they do it.  Eventually, no one in our house is sleeping anymore. And if there’s no sleep, it’s not co-sleeping, it’s torture.

Elise is walking!

Look at her go!

Vacation with the fam

We had a 5 day holiday with the Stagers last week. It was all laziness and relaxation. Not much else. The only draw back was it was too short.

The kids played together well.

The dogs enjoyed relative freedom.

And the adults enjoyed conversation and some time away from the daily grind. We also spent some time being holistically rejuvenated and cleansed in the mineral springs at Berkley.

Spaghetti

And Elise is eating yogurt

And Olivia wanted to eat lettuce, but she fell asleep instead

Dinner from home

Tonight’s dinner came from within 50 miles of our home. We had BBQ Ribs from a cow from the next county over. The rest of the cow (well a quarter of him) is in my garage freezer. We had mint new potatoes; the potatoes were from a farm a little north of here, and the mint is from my back yard. And corn on the cob from another farm near by, we also had kettle corn from the same seller at the farmers’ market.

Fresh, delicious, and local. YUM!

Hairspray

I saw it. I LOVED it. I want to see it again.

Rain, Rain

There is a thunder storm that just hasn’t settled in. My pumpkins really need the water, and it’s way too humid. So, open up you great clouds, you!

Actually, it’s to the beat of an African drum. Who knew Elise had so much groove. Our girls are dancing fools!

because the Queen has nominated our blog for the Thinking Blogger Award! thinkingblogger2ql6.jpg

Which isn’t fair, because she is one of my 5 nominations, so I’ll have to find a replacement now…

These blogs have consistently kept me reading, thinking, and encouraged:

1. Manila Drive- And not just cause they’re my best friends.

2. Nine Tons of Marble- On all things beautiful, and beautifully simple.

3. This Classical Life- Her books read this year will put you to shame!

4. TulipGirl- Gentle, thoughtful, and Graceful

5. Moot Thoughts & Musings- Crafty, motherly, and a little bit funky. I think she’s one of “My kind of people.”

Not Wallpaper

I think every nursing mom has learned how to blend in with her surroundings. Lean back, space out, and don’t dare make eye contact with anyone. You don’t want to notice when they avert their eyes. Just accept the fact that your adorable child who usually has enough charm to start a conversation with anyone in a thirty foot radius has now transformed the two of you into the social equivalent of a leper.

I have grown so used to being ignored when my kids are hungry. I have wanted so badly for any kind of acknowledgment, even negative, so at least I could stand up for myself. But I didn’t realize how thoroughly I have been effected until the aftermath of my experiences at the mall today.

Olivia was playing on the toy car rides in the mall after we had eaten lunch. We were in transit from my chiropractor appointment at 11 and Olivia’s cast removal at 1 so we were just wasting time when Elise started to get hungry. I moved over to the bench where I could keep an eye on Liv and started nursing Elise. I don’t carry a blanket, but I don’t make a big show either, it’s just business as usual.

While I watched Liv ride the train a group of about ten teenage girls comes over and they start taking each other’s pictures on the car rides and laughing. That’s when I noticed that one of the girls was staring at me. That’s not uncommon so I just glance up, grin, and look away. Business as usual.

Then the Staring Girl walks over, very flagrantly, and whispers to her friend and her friend swings her head around to gawk at me. My heart began to race, and I started to think of all the things I’ve prepared myself to say in case I ever needed to defend my right to breastfeed.

This is where things get really interesting. One of the girls notices her friends’ attempt to make me a spectacle, and she turns to me and waves. So I waved back and she said loudly and deliberately, “Your baby is precious.” I was moved. She stuck up for me. I thanked her from across the room.

Right about then Elise was done eating and it was time to be heading to Olivia’s appointment so I packed up my stuff. On my way out I made a split decision to thank that girl for being so kind to me. She helped me feel normal when I had been beginning to feel like a sideshow for doing what I have to do to mother my Baby. As I tapped her arm and said thank you I surprised myself. I totally started crying.

“Thank you,” I sobbed. “No one is ever nice to me. They either ignore me, or are rude to me, but no one is ever nice.” She hugged me, and highfived me.

After I escaped my emotional outburst and made it to the car I reflected on my surprise reaction. Why was I so worked up? I hadn’t even known how much hurt I’d been carrying around. That’s when I put a name to the way people have treated me, I’ve been discriminated against for being a breastfeeding mom. It’s a quiet discrimination, but that’s what it is and it hurts. It belittles, and labels and judges.

I felt an extra solidarity with my Mall Advocate– she was African American and she was probably noticing a feeling in me that she had felt herself before: a sadness and anger at not being acceptable they way you are. Thank God for my own little Martin Luther King Jr. in the mall today…  my hero.

Olivia is on the cusp between the age where she cannot control her impulses, and the age where she can. She has known right from wrong in some sense for a long time. I know this because she is very verbal and enjoys telling her aunts and uncles, “We don’t go outside by ourselves!” or, “Stop fighting!” Knowing right and wrong does not equal being able to master her own desires and comply and so we have a lot of correcting, reminding, redirecting etc.

Well, where she once took the correction, reminding, and redirecting as an annoying interruption to her active play, she now reacts very humbly. When I have said, “Olivia, we don’t use our hands for hitting. Use gentle hands with our sister,” these past few weeks a new response has come from my little girl. She covers her eyes with her hands and sometimes she even apologizes spontaneously. It’s simultaneously adorable and encouraging.

I try to meet every, “I’m sorry, Elise!” with a: “She forgives you. Now we all feel better.” And after something has made Olivia feel particularly guilty I remind her of how Christ has died on the cross for her sins and she doesn’t need to feel bad anymore.

I think this is probably the perfect time to introduce the Ten Commandments. And hopefully I can start helping her to understand how pushing her sister is breaking the fourth and fifth commandments. That’s probably a little ambitious. But it pays to aim high.

They’re gone. I harvested a huge bag of greenbeans from the garden the past few days. I was looking forward to steaming them for dinner on Wednesday night.

Today, after nap-time, Olivia ate the whole bag. Raw. By herself. In one sitting.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. But, at least our garden is going towards a healthful lifestyle for our family.

With 6 tomatos, beans, squash, and peppers,

and two pumpkin plants that GO!

If you’re sitting around feeling un-patriotic you should read this book:

The Killer Angels

It is soooooo good.

I have a button on the side bar that links to my Etsy store.

Thanks, Rob! How awesome!

Tomorrow, if the kids nap I’ll add my first pair of shoes!

I’d make up a word and a bunch of people would be using it regularly in order to prove how cultured they were.

I’m not Shakespeare, but if you want to use my word you can:

Croc-offs

It’s my word for generic Crocs, if you couldn’t tell. I just got a pair for $3 at payless… How consumer of me.

Liturgical Dance

We had VBS this week, which sent me into a panic because I was the director. But, it was very fun for the girls, as well as the rest of the kiddos from our church.

We had the children sing a hymn and recite a poem that they learned this week before the service today. Olivia was just a smidge too young to get the idea of a “youth choir performance,” though she is not at all too young to get the idea of “performance.”

If I wasn’t so darn proud of her groove she might have embarassed me, shaking her little tooshie to midieval hymns in front of the whole congregation.

You can find it here. There isn’t anything very spectaular going on there right now, I need to have some time to sit down and sew. But I’m gearing up to list some other things besides just baby carriers.  I just made a pattern for soft soled shoes that use recycled leather and denim. And I also made a pattern for little girl’s A-line dresses from recycled men’s dress shirts (they’re a tad punk rock).

Look for those new listings in the next few weeks, as well as some new fabric choices for my Mei Tais.

Elise:

(pointing at me) “Maaaaaa Maaaaaaaaa”

(pointing at Olivia) “Wah Yah”

(in response to being pushed by Olivia) “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Olivia:

“I woke up in the middle of the night (it was really 9:30 by the way) and we went to watch the lightning bugs. Then Sherman got me with his leash. Sherman leashed me. I popped on my arm. Then I cried and mom held me. I had to go the doctor and get fixed. Now I have a beautiful pink cast.”

(pointing to her pink cast) “I don’t want this thing.”

And wasting time. I have a lot of important things to do, but since I had one of the worst days ever I’m doing this for now and I’ll do the important stuff when I’m so sleepy that I can hardly keep my eyes open and the baby is twenty minutes away from waking up to nurse.

The Queen of Carrots posted this Meme, and it’s probably been a year since I did one so I thought I’d copy her. It’s also a good time to post a Meme like this because we started our blog 3 years ago, next month. That’s craziness.

How did you start blogging?
Rob was reading a photo blog by a guy who was an ex-patriot in Japan and had a young family. Then Rob’s mom told us about all the confessional Lutheran blogs she’d been reading. We became interested in letting the whole world know all about us so we signed up with blogger.

Did you intend to be a blog w/a following? If so, how did you go about it?

We wanted a following when we began blogging. We linked to other blogs regularly, joined in on theological discussions that were running about the blogosphere. We wrote emotional pieces about our soon to be born first child. At one point in time we were getting more than a hundred hits a day. Then about six months after Olivia was born we quit blogging regularly, and Rob pretty much quit all together. Most of the readers were reading him, so our “following” started following others. I was sad at first, but I really don’t care any more.

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?

I hope to keep my writing fingers limber so that when I can connect more that two brain cells, and sleep for more than four straight hours without feeding someone, I can write short stories that are as good as F. Scott Fitzgerald or Flannery O’Connor. I have four paragraphs and a basic premise for a short story, including character names and other details. That’s a little bit successful, but mostly my blog just gives me an excuse not to think about that short story when I’m really tired.
Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?

Yes. When Rob was writing more often we had a higher standard for what was blog worthy. Anymore I just want to share something with who ever will read it so I am flying off the cuff a lot more often now. Plus, I’ve gotten more set in my ways, but less likely to make a big fuss about it. I think I argue more when I haven’t made up my mind, but now that I’m getting old and stubborn I’m not as interested in the ruckus.

What do you know now that you wish you’d known when you started?

That It’s not a good idea to fight with your old friends that have moved away over the internet. I haven’t talked to a few people, even online, that used to be very dear to me and I’m afraid it’s because the internet leaves little room for “agreeing to disagree.”

Do you make money with your blog?

No.


Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?

They do. In fact I think that they are the only people who actually read this blog anymore, excepting the few people who we made more intimate connections with and are reading to keep up with the family. Hi Mom, Dad, other Dad, Nina and Papa, Mina, Nana and Bunkle, the Uncles and Aunts, and the Stagers.

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?
1. Just keep writing until you find your blogging voice, and then just go with it.

2. Write even if no one comments. Blogging is more enjoyable if you post what you want, regardless of how people respond.

How did you come to name your blog?
We were constantly listening to Andrew Peterson’s album <i>Love and Thunder</i> which rhymes with Love and Blunder and it just seemed to fit the mood of a young married couple. It’s clever and it rolls off your tongue. I have come to think of Rob and I as “Love and Blunder” in tandem.

One of the reasons I wanted to buy an old house is for the history in the home. The imagined lives of its past inhabitants, wondering about the children growing here. Wondering about who had the house built.

In this house some of those questions were easily answered. We have the original blue prints and the original work order for the home, passed down by the 4 previous owners of this home. Almost nothing in our house has been changed except the kitchen has been updated and the basement finished.

We also know quite a good deal about the original owner of the house. Mr. Sittle and his wife were the first people to build on this street in 1926. They moved here from a farm and brought some of the pieces of their old barn with them, which are still in the garage. Mr. Sittle was a milk man for a local milk company, he drove a horse drawn milk wagon up and down Market Street, when it was still a brick road. He was driving milk for that company still, when they started delivering the milk in trucks.

Our next door neighbors moved into their home when the Sittles were retired. They tell us all about how Mr. Sittle would bring a lawn chair out into the front yard just to watch my neighbor’s children play in the yard. My neighbor, Bob, recollects Mr. Sittle with a look in his eye like he’s remembering a long lost friend, or a close family member.

Now our neighbors are reaching retirement and Bob comes out and chats with Olivia and tickles Elise and pretty much acts like an on site grandfather. I can see that he is pretty satisfied in becoming the neighborhood replacement for old Mr. Sitttle.

about something very close to my heart: the normalization of childbirth.

I have had two very different births. Olivia’s birth was a nightmare and Elise’s birth was beautiful. It wasn’t a homebirth, but it would have been if the laws in Ohio would permit me to have a transfer in the case of an emergency to a doctor that I knew.

Look up your state’s birth laws, unless you live in New Mexico you will be astonished.

Be educated on natural childbirth (as in take a Bradley class, or something not offered in a hospital), have a midwife, a doula, or a husband/best friend/coach to help you deliver as naturally is possible. One thing people don’t know about birth is that one intervention leads to another, even something as seemingly harmless as continuous fetal monitoring.

Protect yourself and your baby.

and Olivia is proud to tell us (as of last night), “God made me.”

God Parents, you’ve done well.

See the rest at my photobucket site.

This old house

We bought our home in the city– an eighty-year-old urban haven for our little growing family. As we’ve been doing our spring cleaning and coming across all the simple, uh, pleasures of living in an older home I was inspired to write a few posts about the art of living in an older house.

There are wonderful quirks, and not-so-wonderful quirks. For example, our pest problem. For the two springs that we’ve lived here we’ve gotten a rodent in the house. This spring we’ve had more than one. We get them in the fall, too. We don’t, however, have them year in and out. I think they keep wondering if we’ve moved out yet.

We get some traps, and keep extra clean for a few weeks, and then they’re gone. This year’s guests aren’t gone yet so we’ve gotta stay alert.

It’s kind of creepy, but I think of all country women out on the farm who live with this kind of vermin and find it common place. It’s just the symptom of living in an older house, there’s nothing you can do to change it.

So, that’s my introduction to my series (every time I intend to start a series I only write one post, so I hope this is the exception) on our old house. I’ll also post about upkeep, gardening, the neighborhood, and if I think of anything else I’ll post about that, too.

Happy spring cleaning to all of you, on the Memorial Day weekend!

even though I am not a Looper myself. They’re Lutheran Homeschoolers for those who don’t know.

This week, The Rebellious Pastor’s Wife wrote an excellent post about the Parable of the Good Samaritan. She’s taking a class and these were based on a lecture, I think.

Let me just say that I’m JEALOUS that she is taking a class like this. Look at this quote:

But Jesus is the Good Samaritan. He comes and bandages our wounds, gives us a safe place, and revives us. He is God, so He cannot be unclean, but He takes our uncleanness upon Him. He gives the innkeeper two denarii (two days pay) to watch after us and says He will repay him when He comes back….when? He took care of two days…so He’s returning on the 3rd Day…when He rises again.

I love it! It seems like the kind of text-dissection that went on in my best literature classes in college, but it’s about Christ. I would LOVE that. Suddenly I’m very jealous of seminarians. I bet they get to read this stuff all the time.

Today Olivia asked me, “Can we stay at this park forever? Let’s live here for our house.”

Sorry, Liv. We spent a lot of money on our real house. Too much to just give it up and live at the park.

I finished!

But I didn’t just finish, I finished in 2 hours, 7 minutes and 43 seconds. I was hoping to finish in 2:20. I am so competitive, which isn’t good when Rob and I are playing cards, but is very good when trying to run a long distance.

The weather was great, about 63 degrees and overcast, which is perfect for running. I was pushing it hard at the end, and right when I thought that I was overdoing it and might not make the end, right after the 11 mile marker, I saw my family at the side-line cheering for me! I ducked through the crowd and kissed Olivia on the head and that was the boost I needed to make it to finish strong.

I was so overextended at the finish-line that I was weaving around, and kind of dizzy. I probably looked drunk. But I drank some Powerade, and ate some pineapple and a Popsicle and I felt much better except for the extreme soreness.

But that’s that. It’s done and I did great. I feel great. My family is already encouraging me to run in the Akron Marathon at the end of the summer…

and ready to drive up to Cleveland. As Murphy has decreed Olivia woke me up at 4:30 for no good reason. I hope that I am rested enough to run well.

See you all after my race!

I run tomorrow

While all of you happy Lutherans are getting ready to go to church I will be running my 13.1 miles. The whole family will be there to back me up, and carry me away in a heap from the finish line.

As soon as I have pictures, and results I will post.

GO MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How exciting. I get to have a handmade vintage styled apron as a prize. I knew that those 4 years of college would pay off somehow!

Honestly though, I’m very flattered.

There’s only so much I can say about running. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you’ve gotten where you want to go.

Instead I’ll post about my recent discovery about Olivia’s diet. Olivia has been having these monumental tantrums. These are the kind of tantrum that cause you to walk on eggshells for days afterwards because you can tell another one is just around the corner. I read Ames and Ilg Your Two Year Old and it was pretty much telling me that two-and-a-half year olds will throw fits a lot. I just thought that Olivia was much more intense naturally. She is fundamentally independent and highly will-full so I figured that’s what I get for being me, and marrying a guy who’s got people as intense as me for siblings. It must just be a genetic nightmare, but normal for us, even though it was a sudden change.

Then Rob’s mom saw one of the melt-downs-with-no-end and she asked me if they were coming around the same time everyday. They didn’t seem like normal Terrible Two behavior. So I brainstormed and discovered that they were always happening in between meals or before breakfast.

Mary sent me this article and it described Olivia and her sudden behavior change to a T, she must have been suffering from low-blood sugar. I was relieved to have some explanation for her outbursts, and some hope for resolution to the problem.

I began feeding her around the clock. I put food out that she can access herself when ever she felt like she needed a snack. In less than 24 hours there was a dramatic change for the better. My sweet little girl was home again and the Terror-Beast was no where to be seen.

I am so glad that we kept working on this until there was an answer. For a few days I really thought that Olivia was just trying to test my limit. I was trying so hard to put the boundaries down firmer and firmer and all I got was more and more tantrums. I’m ashamed that I had so little faith in Olivia’s relationship with me. Next time something like this happens I won’t be so slow to suspect a medical cause, and for the time being I’m going to be monitoring Olivia’s food intake and the resulting behavior. Hopefully this won’t be a continuous concern.

So instead of a post about persevering in the race, this is a post about persevering in my parenting. Being steadfast in my search for a resolution and refusing to let the bad days get the best of us, or worse, come between us. I love my kids too much to let them down like that.

Sure, running is great for me. In fact one of the reasons that I kept going when the training first got difficult was that while I was out on the road or trail no one was touching me. Moms get touched-out quickly, especially with a new baby in the house. It’s also been a great to watch my pants size drop from 8 to 6 to 4 (and getting baggy in the 4s). So, this race and all of the build-up has definitely been for me.

But in my last post I mentioned that I’m running this race for my family as much as I am running it for me. So how is it that mom abandoning her family up to 4 times a week is beneficial to them?

For starters I come home HAPPY. Like, high-on-endorphins-happy. And I have a ton more energy, so I am less likely to be taking naps all day long (or sitting at the computer which is more likely than a nap). My house is staying straightened up more often. Plus, we are learning discipline together when I suit all the kids and the dog up and plop them in the stroller so that I can get my 2 miles in during the week. It’s not easy, but it has to get done.
But even more so, it’s good for them because it is good for me. I feel so much better about myself because I am doing something. It has helped me forget about the fact that I dropped out of college. I am confident that I can finish what I start if I want to, and I really want to finish this race. And a happy, confident, excited mom rubs off on the whole family. I can be proud of me, and so can my family.

I had always liked the idea of meditating on something peaceful to get me through hard situations. I would have thought it would be easier for me to do since I am an extremely visual person, but I could never slow my brain down enough to think on one scene or topic long enough to relax. I’d often end up feeling even more stressed out as my head either jumped franticly from image to image, or I’d end up thinking some really random depressing thought and that is not at all helpful.

But since I began running I’ve been able to train my head to visualize through a scene and calm down with it. We keep running our 6 mile training runs on the same wooded path so the scene has become familiar to me. Especially the homestretch– that last mile that is so easy to run once the endorphins kick in around 4 and a half miles or so that we gradually gain speed until we hit the finish.

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I’ve seen this wooded path of Sand Run Parkway over and over again during training, and now I find myself visualizing it while I’m exhausted and washing dishes. Or while I’m trying to calm down during a certain Two-year-old’s temper tantrums. When we have ventured off the home turf and ran longer courses of 8, 9 and 10 miles I zone out on this image when I get exhausted. It reminds me that I am almost at the finish line.

I can’t wait to be running that last mile in Downtown Cleveland, through screaming crowds of people as Jacob’s Field approaches, and my mind will wander back to the trees on Sand Run Parkway, just as my knees are about to give out underneath me. I hope that I’m not so inwardly focused that I miss seeing my family cheering me on at the sidelines. I’m running this as much for them as I am for me.

The discipline I’ve gained from this endeavor has helped me in many ways (though I still can’t easily wake up before 7am). I’m calmer. I’m more likely to finish what I’ve started. And I’m confident that I can do something fantastic, especially when I take a moment to relax, focus, and keep my eye and my mind looking toward my goal.

Countdown to 13.1

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There are only seven days left until my big event. I haven’t bothered to write about my training because most people find running boring, so I doubt any one would find reading about running much more interesting. But since this race has been my main focus since January, I thought I’d write a little series about it in the upcoming week, followed by pictures from race day as soon as I am able to post them. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope that it makes you as pumped as I am!

I have a vivid memory of my mother taking me to KB Toys. I wanted a something-or-other and she told me I couldn’t have it. I then proceeded to fake cry all about it up and down the aisles while my mom ignored me. I used to think she was cruel for ignoring me. “How insensitive,” I’d think.

Now that I’m the mother of a two-and-a-half year old, I think that she’d stumbled onto a very effective parenting technique.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM. Thanks for teaching me the art of selective hearing. I love you.

It’s about 2 weeks old now. Elise has since learned to crawl forwards (and not constantly backwards!) so I’ll have to take another diveo soon. It’s so hard to keep up with the photos and diveos when I’ve got two kiddos to catch. Yikes!

Olivia pretending that Elise and she are “2 dogs”

Musical Beds

Olivia has been sick for a few days with a yucky cold. Elise is cutting 4 teeth on top. I’ll let the reader guess how much sleep we’ve been getting.

Last night has been the worst of it though. Olivia woke up around 3:30 am very cold and very cranky. There was a coupling of sickness and Terrible Twos that was charging the mother-of-all-fits. I was asleep in the guest bed with Elise and she was marathon nursing when I awoke to Olivia freaking out with Rob because of any number of unreasonable specifics.

Once I thought that I had Elise soundly asleep enough to leave her to help Rob give Olivia a change of scenery I sneaked away. Rob ended up going back to the guest bed because Elise woke up after I left, and I ended up taking Olivia to our bed.

It was amazing how quickly Olivia changed from a screaming Beast to a smiling little Cherub when she knew that she wasn’t going to be alone anymore. Most nights she really loves her room and feels very secure in her bed, but last night I could tell it just wasn’t going to happen.

So at 4:30 am the family all slowly drifted back to sleep in their unusual beds. I heard Rob soothing Elise while she growled like a small rodent. And I lay awake looking at Olivia’s chubby cheeks, the last bit of her babyhood, in the early morning glow from the streetlight. Every time a distant train sounded its whistle in the silence Olivia would stir and say, “What’s that train saying?!”

“It’s saying, ‘Good night, Olivia, close your eyes.’” I would tell her.

Eventually we all dropped off to sleep. And when I woke up this morning much later than usual, I was smashed between the Olivia and Elise like the sweet creme in an Oreo.

VBS question

If you sent your school aged child to our VBS, and they came home with a giant scroll made out of fabric and had pictures depicting the theme that Christ is prophesied throughout the Old Testement, would you think that was cool? OR would you rather have a bunch of little cheapie crafts like key chains and picture frames?

I’m asking seriously. I have to make a decision in a couple of weeks about craft for this year, and I want to make sure I have input.

So lurkers, frequent posters, friends and passers-by, please lemme know if you think that craft is cool or not. Thanks.

Breaking the News

Olivia is very determined to play “Pastor.”

Yesterday it was warm enough to go outside, so when Olivia found mud puddle I was so elated to be in the sun I didn’t care if it meant an extra bath. Liv found many uses for the puddle. She painted the trashcan, she painted my car. She painted her shoes and herself.

Then she filled up a little bowl from her toy kitchen with watery mud and offered it to Sherman saying, “Take, Sherman. This is the true blood of Christ!”

How do you break the news that girls can’t be giving communion to dogs? It’s just not theologically sound. ;)

9 miles

was this week’s accomplishment. It took about an hour and 45 minutes, a little less. Afterwards my knees felt like they might collapse, and the next day I was exhausted.

4 weeks left until my race!

Please pray that I don’t injure myself, get ill, or do anything else that would prevent my finishing this race.

And if you happen to live nearby, there’s a BBQ following, bring your own hotdogs and beer.

Infant Anxt

listen here

Yes that’s the Smashing Pumpkins and Radiohead and The Cure.

I like it, but there’s something wrong with the thought of my child falling asleep to a song which has the lyrics “This is what you get when you mess with us.” Talk about an adversarial parent/child relationship!
Yikes!

Over this weekend Olivia and I read this book to Elise. Since we were reading it to Elise I asked Olivia a lot of questions about the book. So, this is Olivia’s version of the Easter story as told by her and me:

Me: (pointing to a picture of the cross with a figure on it) Who’s this?

Liv: Jesus

Me: What is he doing?

Liv: He’s dying.

Me: Is he dying for you?

Liv: Yes. And Elise, and Sherman.

Me: (pointing to a picture of Mary) Who’s this?

Liv: Mary. She’s blue.

Me: Yes, Mary is usually wearing blue. (pointing to a picture of the Tomb) What’s this?

Liv: A rock.

Me: Yes this is the tomb where Jesus was buried after He died. (pointing to a picture of the empty tomb) What’s this.

Liv: (very excited) The rock is open! This is the happy part!!!!!

Me: Yes! It is so happy that Jesus rose again! He is alive!

Liv: He rose again!

Rob was sitting down at the table with his laptop finishing up some things he couldn’t get done at the office. I came in to clear off the table from dinner and said, “I cleaned out the refrigerator today. There was a lot of gross stuff in there. I should really do that more often.

Rob looked at me vacantly.

“You’re not listening to me. That’s OK, I’m not saying anything important.”

Then Rob said, “No, I heard exactly what you said. You cleaned out the refrigerator today and there was a lot of gross stuff in it. But what am I supposed to say? ‘Yes’ and then you’ll get mad, or ‘no’ and then there’ll be more gross stuff in the fridge.”

Edited: because I forgot the add the part in italics. I had a really long day yesterday. :)

from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Who died and rose again, for your sins and mine.

Blessed Easter to you all!

Downtown Library

The downtown Library is our favorite family outing. I get the baby slings, the double stroller, the canvas bag and, of course, the girls, and we trek down there for a few hours every couple of weeks. Every time we park in a parking garage Liv asks if we’re at the library.

Today we stopped to say hello to the wooden Elephant statue, paid a $13.00 fine (!!!) and spent the morning playing in the children’s area. Then we buckled into our seats in the stroller and rolled our way to the mom-section (sewing and child development and cookbooks are all within 3 shelves of each other!) and I found exactly what I was looking for.

Then a homeless woman who calls herself “Mama Rose” held the elevator door for us and told us that she will not tolerate anyone disrespecting the children in this town. I thanked her and we went on our way. I saw her later when a young man, who I’m supposing was not related to her said, “Good morning, Mama Rose. Good to see you.” I’m glad she has the library to hang out and stay warm. I’m also glad that my children have enough exposure to the homeless and other people unlike themselves that they can be comfortable, and gracefully cautious, around them.
On our way out Olivia declared, “I love the library!”

busy blogging day.

But I had to share this diveo that Hathor the Cow Godess linked to.

My ride is sooooooo mommed.

Here’s the video (or diveo in Olivia-speak)clip.

Then she proceeded to cut all of her paper into very small pieces for almost an hour. I was a very proud mommy.

I know at least 2 Lutheran moms who would be encouraged by this article in the Boston Globe. I know I was. I’m a bit of a lactivist (have I mentioned that before?) and so I get excited when I read a non-inflaming article in support of breastfeeding. Especially one that mentions that the American Academy of Pediatrics’s guidelines for nursing are that you do so exclusively for 6 months, and continuing until 12 months or as long as mutually desirable by mother and child, and the World Health Organization recommends that moms nurse until at least 2 years.

Liv and I nursed until she was about 17 months. I don’t know how long Elise and I will go, but nursing longer is better.

My ideals

I live with my ideals plastered in the back of my mind for quick reference all the time. When I need to buy a new pair of shoes I think of all of my ideals: inexpensive, comfortable, stylish but not trendy, well made, etc. And then I do my best to find the pair of shoes that best represents the conglomeration of my ideals. Sometimes I can get all the ideals wrapped up into one. Sometimes I have to choose between affordability and well made, but in the end I feel like I can be proud of a shoe purchase, otherwise I wait until I can find the choice that better fits my needs.

I’m even worse with food. I have a LOT of ideals for my food purchases. I only feel good about eating at Chipotle and Aladdin’s because they have the healthiest options for the price. When I buy groceries I shop at the grocer that has done the most locally to build our community in terms of creating jobs and developing land responsibly. The food I buy is measured by the ideals of affordability, healthfulness, locally grown/processed, lack of non-food additives… OH, the list goes on and on.

I spend $4.35 for a half gallon of local non-homogenized whole-fat milk because I want the cows to be happy and it comes in rented and reused glass bottles instead of cartons. I skim the cream off the top to make butter.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to brag about how I live at a very high standard, or something. This post is because I have totally fallen flat on my face in regard to living up to my ideals for the past two weeks. Rob had been in Egypt on business since 2 Saturdays ago. We are running on auto-pilot. I have gotten my girls fast food 5 times in these two weeks. That’s more often that I have the whole year up to this point.

I am looking forward to Rob coming home, and I’m trying not to feel guilty that I am a failure at keeping up with me.

I need to get used to this. My standards are high, but God’s are higher. And if I can’t keep up with my own requirements, then what does that tell you about how I stand with God? Praise be to God that Jesus has worked all of this out for me. It frees me up to focus on loving my family, my neighbor, and the cows in Wooster that give our family its milk.

Actually it’s here!

HT Kristen.

Edited to add: notes from Andy, worth reading as always:

Andy S says : I feel that this test is great, but that a young, up-and-coming student of Devona like myself is likely to become discouraged after basically failing (unless you\’re on the 10-pt scale) the first quiz. Isn\’t there a study-session or something? More questions would help the student have a higher percentage, I feel.

Olivia was rocking to sleep with Rob the other night when she said, “I love my little baby.”

Rob said, “Who’s your little baby?”

“Elise. I love my baby.” said Olivia again. “Soon she will learn to talk.”

“Yes she will learn to talk. When she gets bigger.”

To which Olivia replied, “She will say, ‘frisbee.’”

Do YOU Etsy?

You should! Here’s my Etsy shop, which I am finally listing items on.

Yesterday I found a button I could post on our blog to advertise my shop, but now  I can’t find it again. That’s a little frustrating.

So if you are getting lost linking around their site (like I always do) and you come across that button maker thing, let me know ok?

Oh. And if you want a baby carrier, buy one from me!

The thaw has begun

I can see my grass (now that the snow has melted and I’ve cleaned up the debris from over the winter) and it is time to start planning this year’s garden/yard work.

I think that I’m not going to make any new beds this year. I have a hard time keeping up with what I already have. Though I plan to put a strawberry patch in the place of some really ugly plants I ripped out in the fall.

I also want to use my veggie space more wisely this year. I now know that peas grow up (I had no idea last year, embarrassing as that is) and so I can plant my rows differently. Less squash, more peas and beans. Maybe I’ll add something else in there too. We’ll see.

The other thing I want to be sure of is that I don’t neglect mulching the front yard flower beds this year. Last summer we looked like a jungle of weeds. Very embarrassing, but I think people gave me some slack, being enormously pregnant and all.

Happy spring!

Ah Wordpress

All of you still on Blogger and using the word verification thing… I can’t post on your blogs because the verification thing isn’t working or me. I could use a different browser I guess…

So, that makes me sad.

Not the best mom…

but the best mom for my kids? I hope that’s true.

I have a lot of childcare experience. I read too much about child rearing. I love staying home. But I am way too critical of myself.

Olivia is a handful, in a good way most of the time. But when she’s in her moods I don’t always know what to do. So I just do what I hope is the best in the moment, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

This is why they say the first child is an experiment… I hope I don’t accidentally blow her up.

Back from vacation

Jumping off a plane and on to the facebook bandwagon.

Devona Brazier's Facebook profile

Olivia the Pastor

Before you worry about our theology, note that this is Olivia’s imaginary game. It reminds me of the story that Jaqcue is always telling about Andy when he was a kid. How he’d pretend to be a pastor, or talk to God out loud in the bath tub.

Well, Olivia is at the stage where she loves to pretend to be everyone but herself. She is always playing that she is Papa, Tintin, Woody, a hunter or anything else from one of her stories. And she also plays “Pastor.” This game involves Olivia running around the house announcing, “I’m a Pastor. I baptize my pony.” It’s follows the same basic plot line as the hunter game, “I’m a hunter. I shoot the fearsome animal.” Both games require that she run around and yell this over and over again triumphantly like a superhero.

Olivia is also beginning to tell us this story:

“When I was born with Pastor Kozak he put some water on my head and I cried.”

or this story:

“Elise was born at church and Pastor Kozak poured water on her head.”

This was obviously very important to her. It’s fun to hear her perspective. She’s remarkable theologically accurate for a two and a half year old.

Evening worship

Tonight we started worshiping formally as a family after dinner. It is a little awkward at first, the standing and sitting and chanting in your own dining room. But after you get going, it feels very natural.

We are going to try to memorize the Vespers service from the old Lutheran Hymnal as a family so that we can say it together as we clean the kitchen, stopping only to read the particular collect and scripture for the day. I am certain that this will carve the liturgy into our children’s heads for life. And we will be so blessed to announce the Word to each other as a family every night.

Tonight we worshiped while Olivia ran around the living room begging to watch a “diveo” and Elise fell asleep in my arms. Then at the end of it all, Olivia was sad that she missed it (just like I anticipated she would be) and she pulled her pink rocking horse, Esther, into the dining room and asked if we could worship with Esther. So we said the Apostle’s Creed again while Liv rocked. She cracks me up!

Answering Andy

The only thing about the compact is that there are simply lots of things that you can not buy used or borrow. Dishwasher detergent? Deodorant? Underwear?(!!!) Also, what would a compacter’s policy be on things like wine, coffee, tea, tobacco, etc? These are clearly cash-crop items and are luxuries. And you can’t get them local-grown, usually. And you can’t exactly make them at home, at least in toto.

Well, for starters, you don’t need to buy your food, heath items, or safety items used. And a lot of Compactors have a clause in their personal compact that they can buy necessities new if searching for a reasonable used alternative proves fruitless. I’m thinking items such as work shoes for Rob, and other similar items that can be difficult to find a quality item used. I also have been training for a half marathon and so I will be needing to buy new shoes (which are ridiculously expensive) but necessary to avoid injury.

A lot of Compactors also state that they can buy something in order to replace something broken or worn out they already have. For example you accidentally let your new puppy eat your mouse cord, you can probably just go replace your mouse. Though it might be a good idea to check if someone you know has an extra first.

Now, along the line of “luxury items” like coffee and wine. My personal opinion is that they are always OK within reason. And there are wise choices that might not be local but are still economically and environmentally sound. For example the fair traded coffees from Starbucks or Trader Joes. Then to boost their “Compactablity” many of those items can be used again. Coffee grounds can be added to your garden as fertilizer. Tea bags that have already been used can be used again to make a cleaning solution for hardwood floors.

And many places have a local winery. I’m actually planning on trying out some Ohio-made wines. I don’t think that the goal of Compacting is living a barebones lifestyle as much as reducing frivolous consumerism, which leads me to:

Another thought: is the accumulation of all sorts of goods equally bad? Or can there even be some things that lean toward being inherently good to accumulate? I’m thinking of my favorite thing to buy, buy, buy and for which I love to shop, shop, shop: books. It seems to me that building a good library, even if one’s motivation has some major elements of consumerism blatantly attached, is fundamentally different morally than building, let’s say, a collection of luxury automobiles or even, dare I say it, a CD collection. Now, of course, WHICH books you add to your library makes a big difference too, as does WHICH CDs you add to your collection. What I’m suggesting is that the building of a library, if it contains “the classics” and, for example, time-tested works of theology or biblical commentary, etc., is not entirely consumeristic in nature, because you’re acknowledging this thing called tradition, which can then be passed on to a new generation. But chances are the next generation isn’t going to give a rip about the CDs we add to our collections. I don’t even give a rip about 98% of my CDs.

Well, before I get all philosophical at you, here are some practical thoughts. Buying books from Paperback Swap, used from Amazon or Half.com is a way to add books to your collection a la the Compact. Then there are “less consumerist” ways to get music too, like iTunes or eMusic which require no concrete consumption. No paper, no metal, no waste; just a digital file on your hard drive.

And now comes the old brain. I don’t necessarily consider accumulating quality books as consuming, since thy are the passing down of the great thoughts of mankind. When it is stated that way it can be conserving as much as it is consuming. The same can be said for good music. I think we’d all be sad if all of us who have collections of Bach suddenly up and did away with them leaving no trace behind. And I’d be pretty sad if I lost my copies of The Bends or Weezer’s blue album even though I never listen to them anymore.

Luxury cars, well. I don’t want to own a car at all. But because of the transportation infrastructure available to me it is the only reasonable option when I have kids. And the cars that we buy will be bought in the same method as Kerner mentioned in the comments to the last post.
So, yes. I think that you’re right. There are definitely things that are “good” to accumulate for the sake of posterity, as long as it’s not in the spirit of just having MORE MORE MORE. There is an element of self control required. And that’s why some Compactors have the rule that they wait 2 weeks before they buy anything. That way they get over the initial “I want it” high, and can make a more reasonable decision about whether or not they will really enjoy and use anything that they purchase that is a non-essential.

And lastly, I’m glad you understand my need to go all out, Andy. It makes me feel less like a, uh, poser. :)

I’m really excited about this idea. Rob asked me, “Why can’t we just make a lifestyle change? Why does it have to ‘Compacting’?”

To which I replied, “Being a part of a movement is SO much cooler than just making a lifestyle change.”

Toy Story and NPR

That’s about all of the electric media that I consume outside of the internet. And when you don’t have television (in order to save money and save our children from widespread, unadulterated marketing) I end up hearing both ALL THE TIME. Olivia watches Toy Story at least every other day. She watches part of it every day. I am becoming intimate with all of the nuance and depth of Woody and the gang. And since my other brain-rot outlet is NPR I have developed some fun characterizations of your favorite toy Cowboy.

Woody is the equivalent of G.W. Bush. The All American Cowboy who’s used to things being his way. Then along comes Buzz Lightyear (the Democratic Party) which comes along and spoils all the wild western fun. Now, since Andy (who represents America) wants Woody and Buzz to get along, they’ve gotta find some way to make some bipartisan progress. Read the rest of this entry »

Dr. Sears

Every time that I start to feel bad about my parenting I read Dr. Sears and then I feel confident again.

Elise is my barnacle. She literally cannot be away from me without anxiety. Unless she is engrossed in play with another family member, if she is not near me she is NOT happy. But if I hold her, or stay in her line of sight all day she will not cry at all. She’s amazingly simple to put to sleep, rocking for 5 or 6 minutes usually does the trick. She really is a dream baby.

She just really loves to be held. So, I’ve been wearing her in a sling or wrap, almost all day, everyday. And she is sooooooo happy.

This isn’t really normal in America (no kidding) so I start to feel a little weird after a while, and begin to think that perhaps I am spoiling Elise. Read the rest of this entry »

What can you do?

And I ask this, not in a “what can YOU do” sort of way, though that is a good question. But I ask in a more defeated, “ah, I’m feeling the weight of sin” sort of way.

My Dad just went to India on a business trip. While he was there a bunch of beggars came and started pounding on the windows of the car asking for money. Some of the children didn’t have hands. Apparently their parents cut their hands off so that people would feel more compassion on them and they would bring home more money.

Also while there, he and his associates were taken out to dinner. The waiter brought out the Indian version of Diet Coke instead of the American version and so his boss fired him. My dad said that he felt terrible because it didn’t matter to him which kind of Diet Coke they served.

How is it that I can be sitting here in my warm comfortable house, with my children still connected to all of their limbs? I am feeling the weight of sin Read the rest of this entry »

Mortal Sin.

Being the theological misfit that I am– raised Roman Catholic, coming of age in a Modern Evangelical church, and converting to Lutheranism as a young adult– I am so often surprised at the things on which people are in disagreement.

For example, I can’t understand why all of Christendom doesn’t understand the Parable of the Seeds the way Lutherans do, it just seems so straightforward. I guess I’d have to admit never believing “once saved, always saved,” even though that’s what most of my friends have always believed is true and were shocked to discover Lutherans don’t. I was just as shocked (or better yet, confused) by their position.

Back to Mortal Sin. I read this post by the Rebellious Pastor’s Wife Read the rest of this entry »

Caught a bug

The Love and Blunder family has just recovered (or is almost recovered) from a very icky bug which stopped by around New Years. But this post is about a different bug.

I have caught the running bug. I’ve been running at least 3 times a week for the past two weeks, and every day I like it more. I’m finding that it is exactly what I’ve been needing. I think it is that I can get away from everything and everyone for an hour and listen to music.

The other perk of running is that children CAN NOT touch you while you are running. You have your whole body to yourself, which isn’t so spectacular unless you are the mother of two small and happily attached children.

I’m probably going to be running in the Cleveland Half Marathon this May. My Papa ran it way back when, so it’s only fitting that it be my first.

And just for fun. Here’s the playlist that I made to work out to. You’ve gotta have tunes in the iPod age, and these ones are just right for running: Read the rest of this entry »

Last night we had some very good friends over for a little get together. Two friends from college, our daughters’ God-parents and their son Deacon, Rob and I all partied until way later than we should have. I got jealous of a MacBook and wished we had Photo Booth on our OS10. I drank more in one sitting than I have in years (2 drinks in as many hours). And we woke up a lot since all the kids were sick.

Today, I celebrated 2007 day number one in a steamy bathroom, eating brie, reading a book by John McWhorter, and holding a very sick 3 month old hoping to clear her congested chest.

Partying as a parent! Woot.

is really striking. Olivia is a drive-by-fan of Elise. Olivia takes great pride in making Elise’s happy noise (an unvoiced, glottal fricative) and watching Elise light up. But Olivia is also very much into her own fantasies right now, and so a lot of her relationship with Elise is in watching how I take care of her and then mimicking that with her own babies. So, Elise is a round character in Olivia’s play, but it is still Olivia’s play in Olivia’s mind.

It is also Olivia’s play in Elise’s mind. If Olivia is in Elise’s line of sight nothing else can divert her attention. If Olivia can be heard in the room Elise is busy trying to find her. And Elise also has set herself upon the task of sitting up Read the rest of this entry »

Olivia’s late nap

OK, so we moved Olivia into a toddler bed, which she has been a little nervous about, but has been very determined to use. Elise is almost ready to move into the crib, and since it is in Olivia’s room I’m not too worried about her feeling lonely, especially since she sleeps at least 6 to 7 hour stretches at night, and does almost all of her napping in my arms.

So anyway, today Olivia didn’t want to go to sleep, but I knew that she was very tired, so I closed her in her room for a “quiet time” and told her that I’d be back in an hour, and she could call me if she needed me. In that time she pooped, and called for me, banged around and made a mess, and was generally peacefully occupied in her room. Well, I went up at the end of the hour and she was asleep. Not only that, but she had carefully tucked herself into her bed all by herself, and she is sleeping soundly. It’s all very cute, but now I’m trying to decide if I should wake her up, since it’s dinner time in a half hour?

Difficult situation…

Christmas Quizzy!

From Katie’s Beer, via Shelley’s Talk blog. I haven’t done a quiz in a long time, but this one seemed especially worth my time. Since I have insomnia tonight (I fell asleep with the snuggly baby and the snuggly doggie on the couch, and then when I went to bed I remembered that Elise has peed on the sheets this morning, so I had to change them. That woke me up too much so now I’m here trying to get sleepy again.)
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

Really I’d just prefer cookies and coffee.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?

We’re still trying to figure out what Santa does in our home.

3. Colored or white lights on the tree and/or house?

White. It just looks so classy.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No.

5. When do you put your decorations up?

I put things up the Friday or Saturday after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?

There never were any specifically Christmas dishes in my family growing up, so I have come to really looks forward to Mary’s oyster stew on Christmas Eve.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child.

I have a very particular memory of looking up at the lights from under the tree, and feeling very magical.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t tell Elise…

but she just got a dozen of these for Christmas. What else do you get for a baby when mom has a meticulous system for hand-me-downs?

Knock Knock

x-posted at the old blog

I don’t know why, but every child must learn to tell a knock knock joke. I think that it must be a prerequisite for reading. This is Olivia’s:

Mom: Say, “knock knock.”

Liv: Knock knock.

Other family member: Who’s there?

Liv: Radio not…

Mom: Wait! Say, “Radio.”

Liv: Radio.

Other family member: Radio who?

Liv: (30 seconds of silence)

Mom: (elevated eyebrows of encouragement)

Liv: Radio not! Here I come!

Everyone: (exaggerated giggling)

Adoption

Most people who know me know that my father adopted me when I was 2. I have always had my biological mother, so I wasn’t traditionally adopted, but I do know how it feels to love someone who is chromosomally different from me in every way as though we were flesh and blood.

I just got home from visiting my dad. We drove the three and a half hours to spend the weekend with him and my step-mom and her mother. On the road home, at 9:30pm, I brought up to Rob that I want to adopt our next child.

This went over like a ton of lead balloons. Not because Rob doesn’t want to adopt, but he’s so practical. Adoption is very practical, inasmuch as you have to actually apply and be accepted and adopt a real live child. Adoption is unlike pregnancy, in that it can absolutely never happen by accident. It can’t spring upon you when you’re not prepared. But if you only see it as a practical matter it would never happen. Much like you are never all the way ready for your first biological child, you can never be fully ready to adopt.

I, on the other hand, see adoption in a very (not to sound gnostic) spiritual way. I have a serious connection to a child who I will never carry, and likely does not yet exist. So to me all the practical things are just the hoops we’re going to jump in order to get to what Adoption really is, a child I somehow already love. Most people have no idea what that feels like.

It’s probably a good thing that we don’t see Adoption in exactly the same way. If it weren’t for my idealism it would never happen. And if it weren’t for Rob’s practicality we’d be head over heals with the process today, regardless of the fact we have a newborn and a toddler.

So. Now we’re talking about it. This is a break-through post for me. It’s something I am afraid to talk about, since once you start talking about something idealistic it becomes subject to reality and becomes something that might not happen. So I’m not going to go into to many details. But this might become a frequent topic for me as we explore the idea more as a family.

We’re getting our feet wet.

… since Rob moved us here. This blog doesn’t yet feel like home for me. I guess I’d grown attached to the old one. I can’t find anything worth saying. I think that it is because Rob is blogging again, and I find him such a better writer than I am. He writes so formally, and I am more prone to the ramblings of stream of consciousness.

He’s just a more organized thinker than I am in all ways. I thrive (and get smothered if I’m not careful) in chaos, Rob enjoys reading books like Getting Things Done- The Art of Stress-free Productivity. So, I guess I’m afraid that my ramblings will mess up his vision for the blog.

Read the rest of this entry »