Love & Blunder

There’s only so much I can say about running. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you’ve gotten where you want to go.

Instead I’ll post about my recent discovery about Olivia’s diet. Olivia has been having these monumental tantrums. These are the kind of tantrum that cause you to walk on eggshells for days afterwards because you can tell another one is just around the corner. I read Ames and Ilg Your Two Year Old and it was pretty much telling me that two-and-a-half year olds will throw fits a lot. I just thought that Olivia was much more intense naturally. She is fundamentally independent and highly will-full so I figured that’s what I get for being me, and marrying a guy who’s got people as intense as me for siblings. It must just be a genetic nightmare, but normal for us, even though it was a sudden change.

Then Rob’s mom saw one of the melt-downs-with-no-end and she asked me if they were coming around the same time everyday. They didn’t seem like normal Terrible Two behavior. So I brainstormed and discovered that they were always happening in between meals or before breakfast.

Mary sent me this article and it described Olivia and her sudden behavior change to a T, she must have been suffering from low-blood sugar. I was relieved to have some explanation for her outbursts, and some hope for resolution to the problem.

I began feeding her around the clock. I put food out that she can access herself when ever she felt like she needed a snack. In less than 24 hours there was a dramatic change for the better. My sweet little girl was home again and the Terror-Beast was no where to be seen.

I am so glad that we kept working on this until there was an answer. For a few days I really thought that Olivia was just trying to test my limit. I was trying so hard to put the boundaries down firmer and firmer and all I got was more and more tantrums. I’m ashamed that I had so little faith in Olivia’s relationship with me. Next time something like this happens I won’t be so slow to suspect a medical cause, and for the time being I’m going to be monitoring Olivia’s food intake and the resulting behavior. Hopefully this won’t be a continuous concern.

So instead of a post about persevering in the race, this is a post about persevering in my parenting. Being steadfast in my search for a resolution and refusing to let the bad days get the best of us, or worse, come between us. I love my kids too much to let them down like that.

Sure, running is great for me. In fact one of the reasons that I kept going when the training first got difficult was that while I was out on the road or trail no one was touching me. Moms get touched-out quickly, especially with a new baby in the house. It’s also been a great to watch my pants size drop from 8 to 6 to 4 (and getting baggy in the 4s). So, this race and all of the build-up has definitely been for me.

But in my last post I mentioned that I’m running this race for my family as much as I am running it for me. So how is it that mom abandoning her family up to 4 times a week is beneficial to them?

For starters I come home HAPPY. Like, high-on-endorphins-happy. And I have a ton more energy, so I am less likely to be taking naps all day long (or sitting at the computer which is more likely than a nap). My house is staying straightened up more often. Plus, we are learning discipline together when I suit all the kids and the dog up and plop them in the stroller so that I can get my 2 miles in during the week. It’s not easy, but it has to get done.
But even more so, it’s good for them because it is good for me. I feel so much better about myself because I am doing something. It has helped me forget about the fact that I dropped out of college. I am confident that I can finish what I start if I want to, and I really want to finish this race. And a happy, confident, excited mom rubs off on the whole family. I can be proud of me, and so can my family.

I had always liked the idea of meditating on something peaceful to get me through hard situations. I would have thought it would be easier for me to do since I am an extremely visual person, but I could never slow my brain down enough to think on one scene or topic long enough to relax. I’d often end up feeling even more stressed out as my head either jumped franticly from image to image, or I’d end up thinking some really random depressing thought and that is not at all helpful.

But since I began running I’ve been able to train my head to visualize through a scene and calm down with it. We keep running our 6 mile training runs on the same wooded path so the scene has become familiar to me. Especially the homestretch– that last mile that is so easy to run once the endorphins kick in around 4 and a half miles or so that we gradually gain speed until we hit the finish.

I’ve seen this wooded path of Sand Run Parkway over and over again during training, and now I find myself visualizing it while I’m exhausted and washing dishes. Or while I’m trying to calm down during a certain Two-year-old’s temper tantrums. When we have ventured off the home turf and ran longer courses of 8, 9 and 10 miles I zone out on this image when I get exhausted. It reminds me that I am almost at the finish line.

I can’t wait to be running that last mile in Downtown Cleveland, through screaming crowds of people as Jacob’s Field approaches, and my mind will wander back to the trees on Sand Run Parkway, just as my knees are about to give out underneath me. I hope that I’m not so inwardly focused that I miss seeing my family cheering me on at the sidelines. I’m running this as much for them as I am for me.

The discipline I’ve gained from this endeavor has helped me in many ways (though I still can’t easily wake up before 7am). I’m calmer. I’m more likely to finish what I’ve started. And I’m confident that I can do something fantastic, especially when I take a moment to relax, focus, and keep my eye and my mind looking toward my goal.